Regular people just bend and put their socks on; they don’t even think about it while doing so. None of that ‘mindfulness shizzle’ with socks, nope, they could be thinking about the bus they’re gonna catch; breakfast; their favourite shade of Jennifer Aniston’s tan; calling the dentist: literally *anything*. Not me. You wanna know an insight into one of the things which most pees me off about being an intermittent cripple? The unpredictability.
See, I didn’t know this would be a ‘Socks are Something to Think About & Focus on’ morning until it was. Until I actually had them in my hand and went to put them on. That’s when socks went from being something that just sort of ‘happened to something I needed to do-purposefully and, to make a certain mindful loving friend happy by using her new favourite word, ‘mindfully’ 😉 This required concentration, bodily awareness and clear recollection of Alexander Technique instructions on how to lift a leg and bend to meet it all while maintaining correct postural alignment. Sigh. ‘All my stupidly healthy friends haven’t had to pay hundreds of quid to learn how to put their sodding socks on!’ I thought ungraciously. ‘And of course it would be when David’s away’: cue internal ‘oh poor me’ moment (yes Natalia, because *of course* if he wasn’t on holiday he’d have been at home on Sock Duty at 3pm on a Thursday!).
But then my socks were on and I was ready to face my bagel, tea and procrastination, I mean essay. Now, I do not wanna seem smug or inconsiderate to people who are more than intermittently crippled, or whose pain keeps them up all night, crowding out any concept of possibly maintaining any other thoughts, not just once in a while like moi but as a regular shitty occurrence. But I don’t wanna seem jealous of healthy people either. To be honest, I’m not smug, unkind or jealous about anything really. Instead I have ‘perspective’. Today was a Sock Issue day. And probably evening. And to quote Stereophonics, ‘maybe tomorrow’. That’s the pissy part: I genuinely don’t know what tomorrow, or even this evening has in store for me. BUT I’m cool. Because (and here’s why the ‘I’m not being smug or inconsiderate warning was made!), I know that I WILL be ok.
‘Can’t Roll Over in Bed or Put Socks or Joggers on Easily’ days are, thankfully, followed by ‘I’m a Regular (well actually very hot, intelligent & fun!) Able-Bodied Person Walking Around London Living my Life’ kind of days (with drugs and a cache of elasticated support straps-medicinal not kinky, honest!). So that’s why no jealousy. Cos, without wanting to get too saccharine on you, having to think about the least painful way to put socks on some days means I absolutely bloody enjoy other daily things more. And it means when horrid health diagnoses or traffic accidents or general shit happens, I’m an actual ‘Good Man in the Storm’ kind of girl (not the fake Arizona kind Grey’s fans!). Cos you know what? After sockgate was solved, I sat down in my warm house, where I live with my devoted, kind-hearted, sexy husband who absolutely bloody adores me. I read a book, drank tea, listened to Bieber’s new song (you know you did too: Love Yourseeeelfff), and worked on my Masters essay. BECAUSE, I can read and think and make tea and put the heating on *whenever I bloody want*! What absolute jammy-git luxury is my life 🙂